Unseizable

Mimetic Desire

Contents

  1. Why don't you know what you want?
  2. The triangle: subject, model, object
  3. How does mimetic desire relate to agency?
  4. External and internal mediation
  5. Thick and thin desires
  6. What questions does this raise?
  7. Sources
  8. Further reading

Why don't you know what you want?

Most people assume their desires are their own. You want a promotion, a particular lifestyle, a certain kind of partner — and you believe those wants emerged from inside you, from your personality, your values, your experience.

René Girard, a French literary critic and anthropologist, spent his career arguing that this is almost never true.

"Man is the creature who does not know what to desire, and he turns to others in order to make up his mind. We desire what others desire because we imitate their desires."

This is the core of mimetic desire — the idea that human desire is not autonomous but imitative. We don't want things because they're inherently valuable. We want them because someone else wants them, and that someone else — the model — makes the object appear desirable by wanting it.

The triangle: subject, model, object

Girard's insight is that desire isn't a straight line between you and the thing you want. It's a triangle:

  • Subject — you, the person who desires
  • Model — the person whose desire you're imitating
  • Object — the thing you both want

The model (or "mediator") literally transforms how you see the object. A job title that seems irrelevant becomes urgent when someone you admire pursues it. A neighbourhood you never noticed becomes desirable when people you respect move there. A lifestyle you never considered becomes attractive when your role model lives it.

The object hasn't changed. Your model changed your perception of it.

How does mimetic desire relate to agency?

If you're trying to build agency — the capacity to act effectively on your own behalf — mimetic desire is both a tool and a trap.

It's a tool because you can deliberately choose models whose desires align with what you actually value. If you spend time around people who value portable human capital over material display, you'll find yourself wanting knowledge over possessions. If your models value discretionary time over status, your own desires shift accordingly.

It's a trap because most mimetic influence is invisible. You absorb desires from your social environment without noticing. The closer the model, the harder it is to see their influence — and the more likely you are to believe the desire is authentically yours.

External and internal mediation

Girard distinguishes two kinds of mimetic influence based on the distance between you and the model:

External mediation — the model is far from your world. A historical figure, a distant public intellectual, a character in a novel. Because you'll never compete with them directly, their influence is safe. You can absorb their values and orientations without the relationship turning into rivalry.

"Either the models have the advantage of being long-dead or of standing so far above their imitators" that conflict cannot arise.

Internal mediation — the model is close. A colleague, a peer, a contemporary in your field. Because you occupy the same world and reach for the same things, imitation can easily become competition. Girard observed that the closer the mediator, the less willing or able you are to admit their influence — and the more likely the relationship is to produce resentment rather than growth.

This has practical implications for choosing role models. External mediators — people ahead of you but outside your immediate competitive space — are the safest and most productive source of mimetic influence.

Thick and thin desires

Luke Burgis, who popularised Girard's ideas in Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life (2021), introduced a useful distinction:

  • Thin desires are highly mimetic and ephemeral — "subject to the winds of mimetic change, because they're not rooted in a layer of ourselves that's been built up over time." These are the routine preferences you absorb from whoever happens to be around you: what to buy, what to watch, what to post, what career move seems hot right now.

  • Thick desires are like layers of rock built up over a lifetime — "related to perennial human truths: truth, beauty, goodness, human dignity." They resist mimetic pressure because they're anchored in deep experience.

The danger of poor role models is that their thin desires colonise your decision-making before thick desires have time to form. You end up wanting things you never chose to want, competing for prizes you never decided were worth winning.

What questions does this raise?

  • Why do I want what I want? — Is this desire genuinely mine, or did I absorb it from a model?
  • Who am I imitating without realising it? — The closer the model, the harder they are to see.
  • Am I competing with someone because I actually want the same thing, or because I copied their desire? — Girard's rivalry trap.
  • Are my role models far enough away to be safe? — External mediation vs internal mediation.
  • Am I building thick desires or just accumulating thin ones? — Burgis's test for mimetic drift.

Sources

Further reading